Finding Ballast

I have been away, fighting with myself, pulling back into a quiet life for some days, to regroup and start fresh another day, building a more solid ground from which to spring forth and again try anew to not scare myself back into hiding. I've quit feeding the squirrels and birds, finding I had created a killing ground for the neighborhood cats, leaving some of my cherished critters severely damaged. Today I must shoot photos of vintage. I will be back in full force, hopefully soon, after this time of introspective thought and hopefully self improvements, taking longer walks through the park, being less obsessive with my vises, and learning to center myself, to find needed ballast, so that I don't fall over as I learn my new walk out into the world.

Outside the Box

Here I am feeling fragile and insubstantial in my new smaller self, starting another day. Thinking how all of the creative energy inside of me, is now concentrated into a more compact package, and how it makes me feel so much more vulnerable.

I am thinking of the horrid drug company commercials during the news last night, which I try not to watch, unless it is positive news, so I sit there with the clicker ready to change the channel or mute the sound, whenever nastiness appears...the commercials should be outlawed. There really should be a law against them! I mean really! One for Lipitor, I think, shows graphically blocked arteries and talks of heart attacks, and even after an episode is over, all those cells can still get caught in the veins and bring on another, so you better get on Lipitor and stay on it, or you will probably die. What kind of bullshit is that to be feeding into the minds of the American public!? Aimed at making us all paranoid and drug dependent so they can make more money! Not a word about changing diet and exercise and projecting good health into our lives, not a word about trusting your body to work with you and create a new healthy life. No public service there, just negativity and paranoia.

On my daily vintage hunting I have the joy of driving by the Pharmacy lines at the local CVS, now queuing up to five to ten or more cars at a time, where they now have about 12 employees always in house to satisfy the drug dispensing needs of the myriads of customers driven by their paranoia to purchase what they think will bring them longevity and peace of mind, so they can eventually experience their retirement that they spend their whole lives preparing for when they should be living their lives instead.

I watched a PBS documentary on a family with kids the other day, who have spent their early married life and child bearing years sailing around the world. All the kids were born on board their boat, and have never known any other life. They are now building their own home up on the coast of Maine, so the teenage kids can see what living on dry land is like and go to schools with others their own ages. The mother and father met early on in life, on a distant island, where they were both busy escaping from the programmed go to school, get a good job, save during all of your working days, so you can start living when you retire, and do all the things you have always wanted to do. They say they never bought into that, and are wildly condemned by friends they had earlier on who did play the game as prescribed. How wonderful and life confirming! I felt vindicated for all my worldly anti-establishment living and moving about, mixing it up, and not ever really buying into the classic prepare for death rather than live bullshit. I also play the game differently and do have a unique story, which I have been diligently creating while being unconventional and totally irresponsible in the eyes of the normal middle class. This is what I am thinking, busy writing a post about being Bohemian, soon to publish it here. It needs refining. Have added some stimulating Bohemian site links to my favorites for you to enjoy.